Sometimes, a Friend is Better than Nothing at All

Lately, I have been contemplating a lot on life, as I deal with other peoples issues, I rarely have time to deal with my own, which I personally think is ideal, as then it gives me less to think about and worry about. But there are times that you do let things get ahead of you, then all of a sudden, they just creep up and catch you out unexpectedly.

I had a lot of time to myself recently, its purely because I was off work when everybody was in work, even now, while I sit here tapping away at this blog, I am by myself - albeit in work. I do have a lot of time to myself, a lot of time to think and contemplate life and its mysteries... Especially life's most recent mystery... how to help others that, well, cant be helped unless they are willing to learn the lesson that life is showing them.

Its amazing really, Life is such a strange thing, the Lessons that we learn from Doing simple things, as well as the mistakes that we make. If you do not see something as a mistake, you never learn from it. I cannot think of anything in life that I, personally regret doing - to me it was yet another lesson in life, if it wasn't for that lesson then I would not be the man that is sitting in front of this laptop, killing time in work, writing about the way life is for me. I have made mistakes in the past, some worse than others, but you (at least I did) learn from these things. I'm certainly not going to go into the ins and outs of the mistakes I have made, as for one, I sure as helldon't know where I would start...

Sitting by yourself is an amazing thing, the peace and quiet can lead to your brain working overtime, it allows you to come to quiet conclusions to things, but it can also stress you out somewhat, as some people have found out... this is one thing I do regret, sorry I lied... but when you Have a go at someone whom, really is an innocent party in something, over something merely trivial, well... I can safely say I feel like a Bad person afterwards. I discover a lot of things when I sit and think to myself, the feelings you have for people, the ideas that make your life the mystery it is, even down to what you are going to have for you dinner... it can all be solved by just sitting, in this case, in a Dark office, dimly lit by the glow of a Laptop screen, no lights, the shudder of the walls every time a train rolls past outside.

I have even discovered the City can be a Tranquil place at night, we are away from the hustle and bustle of the tourist areas, however, some places come alive at night on a Friday, with the electric atmosphere of the hidden London Clubs that only open their doors at the weekends to the humdrum party animals that are London'sNightlife.

On a moonlit Evening, I decided to take a walk around the local area, to clear my head of the confusion that was milling in it, needless to say, walking the streets, the glow of the orange street lighting, mixed with the lights of the offices, add a depth and new dimensions to the mixture of architecture that fillsLondon's Streets, you get a sense of being alone, as you walk, you see only but your reflection in the glass, rarely, late at night do you see someone walking off a main road, down side alleys and the back routes of London.

I do wonder sometimes as the people walk by me, I wonder, what is going through their mind, what are they contemplating, you see a young lady, sitting on a train staring almost blankly out of the window, no look of expression on their face, not following the scenery that whizzes by as the train makes its way past peoples houses, glancing around the carriage, making eye contact and breaking it almost instantly, returning the gaze to the distance of the window, maybe she is contemplating, what is beyond that window as a smile creeps the corners of her face, people wonder constantly, about loves found and loves lost, the life that surrounds them, the people and the things that keep them moving daily, if it wasn't for those around us, where would we be in life? The people that have an impact on us, the ones that make the biggest impression are the ones we will always remember, today I write about a girl on the train, but tomorrow that girl wont be in my head, she will become, but another person that you brushed past to get to a seat, another person that you will most likely never see again.

The ones that make a difference in your life however, are the ones that are always there, even when they are not there physically, there are a lot of people in my life, some I see all the time, some that I rarely see, then there are the ones, that no matter wether or not I see them, are always with me, the ones that I cant help but think about when I feel down, when I feel alone, the sad thing is, some of these people, lately, I hardly see purely because of conflict in schedule, which I know is a crap excuse, but it is the reason for it... I'd love to see more of certain people, I'd also love to see less of others.
There is one person that has made an Impact on me, as all of my friends have, that is why they are still my friends, because they are the ones that make me feel like a 'normal' person, but there is one that has opened my eyes to a lot of things, a lot of reasoning that I had never before felt, or even thought about. Its even the simple thing of driving along, listening to an album that makes you miss someone, not because of who they are or what they do for you, the way they make you feel, the person that they make you. I can safely say I am an altogether different person when I am with them, it feels like I don't have to do anything to impress them, don't have to worry about what I do or don't do, everything I do is fine and I feel they are the same with me, they don't have to do anything to make me want to be around them, its the energy I feel, the peace of just being able to sit there and be me.

This is what I contemplate, the 'what if?', although, I don't let the whole 'what if?' thing rule my life, it can go both ways, you can do one thing, think what if I didn't do it, well its the same the other way around, what if you didn't do it, you would be sitting there thinking the same thing..... What if? I envision situations, I think about what life would be like if it was a different way, I look at the things that I'd like to happen, but I also look at it, in the way if something did happen, what would happen if that situation were to take a wrong turn, as I have seen a lot of things take a wrong turn lately, but I can safely say, at the moment, I'm not willing to risk what I have already, to lose that would take a big part of my life away, a major shock to the system that I don't need, as it would hurt me more to become something else with someone, but stay almost as close and then lose that.... its not worth the risk.


For Now....

P

To continue things, well thats never going to be easy, because purely I am in a different mood to the way I was before, I have gone through more stress, more anguish and pain, but recently, It all came out, what was bottled up inside, just, found a way out, I found the right time and person to talk about it to, admittedly, that person was the one that it was all about

It also made me Realise, just how important some people are to me, especially the ones that have changed my life in a way thats hard to explain, without them I was starting to lag.

Although the chance of things happening are slim, as I said before I dont think I would want them to, as what I have already, I wouldn't want to lose, those people are important to me, in ways that are hard to explain.

P

Another Night, Another Dollar

Well, maybe not Dollars but Pounds £ Sterling.....

The last few nights have been cold, last night it was raining like nothing else in the world!! After so many days of sunshine and heat it was a relief to see some rain, even though unfortunately, I ended up having to work in it and ended up soaked.

But it was nice to see it for a change, it made it so much easier to sleep during the day, working nights in Hot weather is not an easy thing. The daytime heat makes it so hard to sleep during the day. Wednesday was the Hardest day, with 2 hours sleep under my belt I eventually managed to Drag myself to the laborious journey ahead of me, Even still, Id much prefer to work the hours I do than to work a 9 - 5 Job, traveling everyday with someones armpit in your face, squeezing like sardines into a already busy train, for what..... to spend a day in an office stressed out looking at a computer screen constantly, stressing about the fact that you will soon have to go through the events of the morning before you even get home!!

"Hell is a City, Much Like London"

One of my Favourite quotes, by an English Poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley, who decided much like myself that London is like hell on Earth. But in this case it was nearly 120 Years ago, what can I say. Rush Hour in London city is the most unreal thing I have ever seen, people everywhere, rushing, for what... to me the Underground is like another circle of Hell... the heat, like an inferno, slowly drawing the energy and enthusiasm that you started a day with. You never see a smile on the underground anymore, people commuting, seem almost, zombie like, as they read their books, deeply engrossed in the Daily newspapers, trying to avoid eye contact with the person who needs a seat more then they do. There is absolutely no Community any more, what happened to conversation between people, there may have been a time many years ago, where someone on a train, or on a platform, or anywhere, would make conversation, even about the smallest of things, the weather, football. I mean, how many people these days know their neighbours??! How many, would invite their neighbours over for a glass of wine. I do know my neighbours, well, some of them, the ones that I choose to know, the others as far as I care can take a walk, due to the fact that they are the most Ignorant people I know, again the only sense of community that they have is their own, they dont think of the consequences of what they are doing, as long as they get what they want.

The Streets are another circle of hell, some of the streets of London are safe, the rest, well its bad enough walking them in the day let alone at night, the groups of prowling teenagers, with nothing better to do than to make others lives a misery. I do understand that not all groups are out for trouble, just the majority. There is the attitude, the complete lack of respect for anyone other than themselves, they just get away with things too easily and when they do get punished, they live the life of luxury in a UK Jail, then come out and they are more respected then before.

Like I said before, people dont talk to each other anymore, today I read in the Paper, a 57 year old man was Murdered in a case of mistaken Identity. A 37 Year old man, attacked without even thinking, punching the 57 Year old in the face, causing him to fall to the ground, and later died of severe head Injuries. Why? Because a thick mindless idiot didnt have the COURAGE to talk to someone, choosing just to lash out without thinking, the issue began when the wife of the 37 year old man was hassled by a youth, whom was standing behind our fallen 57 year old. When The wife had identified the youth with a simple "thats him" comment, the incident occoured, if the time was taken to simply argue with someone, talk, discuss... whatever - someone would still be alive today, a father, a husband. A mindless Idiot is up for murder, if he is charged with the mindless killing, he is going to go to jail, but oh no, its not a punishment, its a hotel, you just cant leave when you like.

Another day, another dollar.... wasted on the city they call London.

P

A Quiet Monday Morning

Working nights is one of the Many things that I am unfortunate enough to have to do, London is another world under the quiet haze of the strangely clear morning air, mixed with the orange glow of the streetlights that are the only life in the city at night.

On this warm Monday morning, at about 4am I decided to go for a walk around Farringdon. The Rising sun is a welcome change to the usual rain and generally bad weather. But there is something else in the Air today, something less like the London we all know and Hate. Its a Smell... The smell of Death. Whilst Walking the Streets of London at 4am to some is a challenge to some, I walk towards the noise of lorries and vans in the Distance, a Homeless man asleep in a Doorway, I think to myself, this is London.

After walking a short distance from our new home in Farringdon Underground Station, I Come across the Smithfield Meat Market. Which to be honest with you, is a Vegetarians worst nightmare!! Personally I am a fan of Meat, but this is just way beyond anything I have ever seen! The Sight of Men in White Coats and Hard-Hats walking the streets is something else. You can tell the Difference between butchers, restaurant owners and people generally looking for a bargain - Believe me there are bargains to be had in this place.

As you walk through the central aisle of the Market building, the sight of entire meat carcasses hanging from fridges is an eerie sight, the smell of blood and raw meat is rife, select cuts of meat in the fridges, readily packaged to take away and cook up a storm. The market has undergone a recent modernization, taking away some of the essence of what it was because in our Health and Safety world, they have ruined something yet again.
Walking Further along the great meat-filled aisle, you start to come to a less modern area, you can catch a glimpse of what it was like for many years before the Health and Safety people got their hands on it. Behind the Shutters you can see great meat hooks on pulleys and rails covering massive areas, no sight of a fridge anywhere! This is what it still should be, cast iron and wood, traditional madness in the Centre of London.

There is Nothing else like this in the City of London, it is a sight to see - Bring some money......... and a Bag!!